My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
