An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
