Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize