My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
