I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
