The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
