Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
