aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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