I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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