When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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