I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
