How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I believe in your delicious
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
