Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
