From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
