your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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