Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
