Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
