:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
