you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
