My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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