lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
