so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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