This girl is more easily done than said...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
