I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we should paint friendship bongs
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