Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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