I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
