it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
