He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
