Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
