i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The best revenge is premature balding
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
