i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize