i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They have beer where we have blood.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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