Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
