My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
