So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
