we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
