what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize