The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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