If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
