Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
