so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize