I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
