I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
