Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
