dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
