Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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