Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
