The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
