OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
