is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I did not marry a roomba.
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