Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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