in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dignity is for republicans.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
