were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
