so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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