the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
