Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize