so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize