where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
