i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
