margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
