I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
