I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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