I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We're too hungover to prance.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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