I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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