1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
