the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
