It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
