I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
