1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
