I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
