This is not my ceiling
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
