I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
