At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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