I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
