I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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