6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
