Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize