Apparently you make a good broom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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