You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hippo gnu deer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize