I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
